Difficult License

Monster and Paranormal Creatures Association, Division of Monster Vessels.

“Come on, you need to pull yourself together.” Eric’s father urged: “You’re gonna do okay!”

“Yeah.” Eric peeked at the slime monster father and son duo who gave them dirty looks as they walked by. The slime boy’s entire body turned red. They didn’t have much self awareness though, as both Eric and his father had to raise their feet to walk past their wet marks before reaching the counter.

The lady behind the counter was a creature with three eyes, smaller ones one the left and a big one on the right. She used the same emotionless, almost robotic tone: “Name, registration and time card?”

“Here, and here.” Eric pulled everything out of his folder with his father watching beside him. His name and picture was on a registration sheet, with his time card stapled on it. 

“Name: Eric Hoppalot; Sex: Male; Age: 115; Race and Breed: Toad/Frog, Amphibian.” The lady read the sheet, her two smaller eyes on the left side of her face comparing the looks of Eric with the picture: “And you have logged - 20 hours of operating a vessel while accompanied.”

“Yes.” Eric took a deep breath and licked the space between his eyes, only to realize he probably shouldn’t do it.

“Don’t do that during your test.” The lady narrowed her eyes: “You brought your vessel with you?”

“Right here.” Eric’s father showed the lady the large capsule he brought: “Fully operable and within age range.”

“Good for you.” The lady stamped on the registration sheet and handed everything back: “Aisle four. NEXT!”

It was a relief that the examiner of Eric’s vessel operating test was also a frog - one of similar age to Eric.

“Hello! Good morning! ” The examiner smiled then licked her right eye: “Have you brought your own vessel? Or do you need to rent a vessel?”

“We have our own.” Eric’s father put the capsule on the ground and pushed a yellow button on it.

Slime flowed from the bottom of the capsule, gradually rising upwards and taking the shape of a human. It was in the shape of a red-haired human with freckles on his face. Two longer than normal teeth protruded out of his upper lip, making him seem like a chipmunk.

“It’s an old build, with very -uh, what’s the word, stereotypical features.” The examiner walked around the human-shaped vessel: “But looks like it’s well maintained. ”

“Yes. I claw-wash it every two months and check its fuels and lubricants twice a year.” Eric’s father nodded: “The kid’s young, he doesn’t need an expensive vessel.”

“Reasonable.” The examiner wrote down a few lines in her notes before turning to Eric: “Let’s begin. I’ll accompany you in my own vessel.”

Eric and the examiner came out of the Division’s back exit in vessels. The examiner took the shape of a red-haired human lady, tall and slim. Eric had no idea what this combination looked like to the humans in their world. All he knew was that he should stick to what his father told him: “Be calm and remember the training.” If he passed this test, he would have the license to come into this human world without a chaperone. He could enjoy all the humanly wonders and treats as he pleased.

“Alright. Go into this store and buy a hotdog.” The examiner commanded: “Don’t worry, I’ll be by your side.”

“Okay.” Eric pushed the door - it wouldn’t open. He pulled after a few failed pushes, which did the trick.

Eric’s tongue ticked a few times at the flies in the store. But he eventually handled these impulses, by simply reminding himself that hot dogs are the sausages WITH the long bread with an opening in the middle, and NOT just the sausage. Also he had to pay with some dirty paper instead of jade or amber coins before leaving.

“That’s $3.99, and $4.49 if you want a big drink.” The guy behind a desk did not even look Eric in the eyes, but stared at the hotdog: “Cash or card?”

“Card? What card?” Eric asked.

“Hrmph.” The examiner cleared her throat.

“Ah, sorry, here’s the payment.” Eric pulled out a messy pile of paper from his pocket and dumped it on the counter. For a moment, none of them moved - not Eric, not the examiner, nor the guy behind the counter.

After an awkward moment the guy behind the counter groaned and began counting the numbers on the paper. He popped open a metal box beside him, counted some coins and handed them back to Eric: “Here’s the change. Anything else?”

Eric looked at the examiner, who simply walked out of the store. He followed her out, holding the greasy hotdog wrapped in a thin piece of paper with both hands.

“Did you get condiments?” The examiner asked just as Eric approached her.

“Uh - no? I - ” Eric was surprised by the question, and was ready to go back into the store: “I’ll get some!”

“Nonono - it’s fine.” The examiner sighed.

“Oh no.” Eric’s heart sank: “Did I fail?”

“Afraid so.” The examiner shook her head: “It’s okay, just come back in two weeks, huh?”

“Can you tell me where I failed?” Eric’s arms trembled, the sausage wiggled with the shaking motion.

“Well, first, you didn’t remember what a card is.” The examiner checked her notes: “Second, you didn’t answer the clerk’s sales pitch of adding a drink. You should have answered, the answer itself doesn’t matter. Third, you acted too enthusiastic around flies. Humans don’t act like that. ”

“Alright.” Eric sighed, and was about to at least have a taste of the hotdog.

“Last but not least.” The examiner picked up the sausage sticking out of the bun pointing at the sky: “The sausage goes into the crack in parallel to the crack, not sticking out vertically like a stick.”

“Uuuuuuggh!” Eric smacked himself between his eyes.

---------------------

Check out this story brought alive by the talented Kirkpattiecake!