Packages and Bros
“Ad-free service package is only one update away, with 25 new premium moaning tones, 30 new titillating positions and 20 expertly selected lingerie combinations. Do you want to upgrade for only $14.99 a month?”
“No upgrade!” Brian groaned: “And stop asking me!”
“I understand. You can skip this ad in 30 seconds.” Megan responded in a slightly robotic tone: “Have you ever considered your lack of performance, passion and energy might not be your fault, but because of latent mental health problems? Express Therapist Online is here to help! With only $24.99 a month, you’d gain access to the top mental health experts nation-wide …”
Brian laid his head between Megan’s beautiful, perky silicone breasts in frustration. He could feel his mini-me getting shorter and softer with every word. Damn this bargain package. He would only get ad reads sparingly, they said; she would be fully committed to the act when he needed companionship and intimacy, they said. But this was the fourth or fifth time already. Ad-read just while he was getting into it? Who the fuck thought it would be a good idea?
“... for $12.99 a month, enjoy fresh produce delivered to your doorstep daily!” Megan finally finished her line. Brian was no longer feeling it. Instead, his stomach was growling. The last time he ate was probably six hours ago, maybe even seven. He rolled over, rubbing his temples and sighing.
“Oh, Eiffel Chad Pussy Destroyer, why’d you stop?” Megan’s blush came back, and her voice was seductive, in her own programmed way. “Come give it to me, deep, and hard!”
“Forget it! Forget it!” Brian grimaced at the name she called him: “I’m hungry now, cook something for me, now!”
“Okay, my dearest husband, my world.” Megan collected herself and stood beside the bed: “What would you like?”
“I don’t know, a stew?” Brian scoffed: “Just go check in the kitchen!”
“Yes, my dear.” Megan walked out of the bedroom. Before long, her voice came from the kitchen: “Dear, we are out of fresh meat and veggies for stew. Should I go buy some?”
“What do we have?”
“Ham, bacon, bread, eggs, potatoes, cheese, milk and sausages, my dear.”
“Make a brunch plate like it is in the diner then!” Brian yelled: “Bacon, ham and eggs, and a hash brown!”
“Hash brown is not among my specialties. Would you like to purchase it from our online shop for $4.99? You can get an extended bundle of potato recipes for $14.99…”
“NO! NONONONO - NO!” Brian sat straight on the bed and barked: “Just make me a fucking sandwich! A fucking sandwich! Don’t make me go to that fucking diner!”
Crack. Crack. The sound of electric sparks and burned wires came into the bedroom.
“... Megan?” Brian asked, frowning. There was no answer.
He got up and walked into the kitchen. Megan was standing by the counter with her back facing him. Traces of smoke rose from her ears.
“Holy fucking shit.” Brian went over and turned her around: “Megan? What’s your warranty number!”
Cold blade impaled his chest, right into his heart and pulled out. His muscles lost all the strength. He collapsed onto the cold kitchen floor, not fully comprehending what happened. Megan’s eyes and nose were flashing red, signaling chip error in need of replacement.
The next day, breaking news was pushed to cellphones and tablets all over the city, about how a companion bot killed its owner in a brutal fashion.
Alex scoffed as he listened to the report from his usual news anchor: “... the spokesperson of Martian AI, the company that developed the faulty companion bot algorithms, said that this unfortunate event was due to an unforeseen interpretation error in the natural language processing unit. He expressed condolences for the victim’s family, and promised the company would start an internal investigation on this matter to prevent future tragedies. In the meantime, he urged all the customers and users of Martian AI companion bot services to update their software to the latest version, and consider upgrading their service packages with more security checks in place…”
Alex cut the program short, for he just saw an ad pop up: Tatiana, the latest Martian AI companion bot, just went on sale. Just $1099.99, she would come with 500 recipes and free deluxe intimacy package subscription for 12 months. The sale would end in 12 hours.
What a good deal. Alex clicked “Add to cart” after only a moment of hesitation.
Check out this story brought to life by the talented Ian Kirkpattiecake!